


The Man of Iron, part I

by Sparky_Young_Upstart



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, I hope, Iambic Pentameter, References to Shakespeare, Rewrite, Shakespearean Language, blatantly inspired by ian doescher's work with Star Wars, i took several shakespeare classes but that was long ago
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:34:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22125685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sparky_Young_Upstart/pseuds/Sparky_Young_Upstart
Summary: Hark! A marvel doth appear before us nowAnd usher in a world of heroes great.A man of wealth, of lust, and genius,Doth travel through a ravag’d desert scape.His brilliance shall be put to the testWhen deadly arms he shall be task’d to make.Though he doth arm himself and breaketh free,A plot most sinister still runs apace.With steely suit and will he’ll overturnThese deeds while acting as a Man of Iron.(or, a retelling of Iron Man in Shakespearean language, and maybe a few adjustments but nothing too major.)
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	1. Dramatis Personae

TONY STARK, _a billionaire_  
JAMES “RHODEY” RHODES, _a pilot_  
OBADIAH STANE, _an iron monger_  
HO YINSEN, _a scientist_  
PEPPER POTTS, _a secretary  
_ABU BAKAR, _a Ten Rings general_  
RAZA, _a Ten Rings commander_  
JARVIS, _a rather very intelligent system_  
CHRISTINE EVERHART, _a reporter_  
PHILLIP COULSON, _an Agent_  
HAPPY HOGAN, _a bodyguard_  
DUM-E, _a machine_  
NICK FURY, _Director of SHIELD_  
SOLDIERS, TEN RINGS GUARDS, REPORTERS, WOMEN, DEALERS, PILOTS, REFUGEES, AGENTS, SCIENTISTS, _and_ CHORUS


	2. Act 1, scene i

_Enter TONY STARK with SOLDIERS, in vehicle._

TONY STARK: Though brevity may be the soul of wit,  
I fear this silence holds no soul at all.  
Have I insulted thee? Prithee, do tell,  
Doth you seek out military tribune  
To punish me? Alack! Or perhaps thee  
Intend to end my life on this ‘ere path.  
I jest of course, for now I theorize  
Thee simply followeth thine orders true,  
And silence is the name of your command.

SOLDIER 1: Good sir, by troth, we are allowed to speak.

TONY: Aye! There’s the rub! Such silence ringeth thus:  
A pers’nal grudge thee all do bear ‘gainst me.

SOLDIER 2: Nay sir, ’tis simply this: thy presence hear  
Has struck the men afeared.

TONY: By Jove! No sir!  
A woman soldier stands before mine eyes.  
I offer no precognition, and yet  
I offer no apology as well,  
For is that not that for which we all strove?  
By troth, in thee I saw a soldier first.

SOLDIER 2: By troth, I fly the air.

TONY: Ah, in thy face  
Your airs and graces well reflected are,  
Thy beauty matching thine inherent strength.  
Perchance somewhere beyond our planet’s grasp  
There dance such lovely warriors as thee?  
Alack, I cannot look away from thee.

_ The SOLDIERS laugh. _

Ha ha! A laugh, a laugh, I’ve got thee all  
Within my charming grasp of mirth and wit.

SOLDIER 3: Sir, might I ask a question?

TONY: Asketh, please.

SOLDIER 3: What truth is there in rumours that thou hast  
Matched twelve for twelve all models most Maxim?

TONY: ’Tis query excellent, and true, yet not.  
A scheduling conflict splitteth March and I,  
But bright December bore twins. Pray, what else?  
Thou jest, good sir, raising your hand.

SOLDIER 1: Friend Stark,  
A picture might I take?

TONY: Indeed. But pray,  
No handborne signs. Again, I jest! Behold,  
A lofty sign of peace, of peace I love,  
And yet peace doth could one day end my peace.

SOLDIER 1: Quick! Quick! And not a setting needst thou change!

_Explosions rock the convoy. Gunfire is heard._

TONY: Alack!

SOLDIER 2: Leftward it comes!

TONY: I say alack!

SOLDIER 2: A fight is here! Keep Stark below and safe!

SOLDIER 1: Friend Stark, stay low!

TONY: Verily, I shall so.

_SOLDIERS 2 and 3 exit the vehicle, are shot, and die._

SOLDIER 1: Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat!  
Thou wretched curr, the foe I’m bred to face!  
I shall engage with thee without much thought  
Or look askance. I charge!

TONY: Wait wait! A gun  
I beg.

SOLDIER 1: Stay here! I’ll not allow thine death.  
And yet! I’m shot! And perish in the name  
Of a machine that sees this as a game.

_SOLDIER 1 dies._

TONY: And now alone I sit in raucous hell,  
Or, rather, truthful war which might as well  
Be hell itself. My hearing, it doth ring  
And dulleth me to other things about.  
I’ll run and get away, and now perchance  
This engagement will have survivors yet.  
A simple call could save me from this mess -  
And yet! A great petard hath landed near!  
What’s in this bomb? That which we call a bomb  
By any other name would kill as quick.  
And yet I tremble when I see thine name -  
’Tis Stark Industries - O! Mine is the same!

_The bomb explodes. Exuent. End Scene i._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know of any spelling or grammar errors I may've left in here. Also please let me know if you have any tips on formatting this for easier reading. I slammed this out pretty quickly. Still, I hope to at least go through the whole movie, and have noted things down if I take up the daunting task of the franchise entire.


	3. Act 1, scene ii

_Enter CHORUS._

CHORUS: Remark, our story doth begin ahead  
Of where the story’s start is truly bred.  
It starts naught but a day and half ago,  
Within this wond’rous Vegas casino.

_Exuent CHORUS. Enter JAMES “RHODEY” RHODES, OBADIAH STANE, and REPORTERS on balcony. Enter TONY, WOMEN, and DEALERS in darkness._

REPORTER: When one thinks on the name of Tony Stark,  
A visionary visage thou remarks.  
A countryman of loyal genius,  
A protege of scholar’s blood and trust.  
Like Howard Stark, the father of our arms,  
The babe showed aptitude for arms and charms.  
At age of four, he built a circuit board.  
At age of six, and engine, and soon roared  
Towards MIT at age of seventeen  
And soon thereafter passed with high esteem.  
Alas, great Howard Stark would soon pass on,  
And briefly did his industry pass on,  
To Obadiah Stane, both true and wise.  
He gripped the company much like a prize  
Until Stark’s heir, returned both learned and grown.  
At lively twenty-one, he took the throne.  
Today, Stark Industries’ legacy  
Is that of ground-breaking technology;  
Of weapons wise and robots quite advanced  
And satellites that target at a glance.  
’Tis in Stark’s name that all this comes to pass -  
America’s concerns are safe at last.  
And thus, for Apogee’s sake, please remark  
The name and face of Mr. Tony Stark.

RHODEY: As liaison to Stark Industries, I  
have had the unique privilege to serve  
Alongside a true patriot in Stark.  
He is my friend and also my mentor,  
And thus I do with great honour and pride  
Present this year’s award to Tony Stark.  
Friend Tony, are you there?

STANE: Of course, of course.  
He’s absent still. Then I shall serve recourse.

RHODEY: Where’s Tony, aye?

STANE: Who’s knows? But let us not  
Reveal that he hath put us in this spot.  
My thanks!

RHODEY: Nay, mine. I take my leave to search.  
He’s surely caught in some distracting mirth.

_(Exit RHODEY)_

STANE: ’Tis a trophy most beautiful. My thanks!  
I say, I clearly am no Tony Stark.  
But were I he, I’d tell thou from my heart  
The joy and honour this award awards.  
Yet Tony, well, I say his greatest strength  
Doth also serve as weakness oftentimes.  
His heavy love for work oft take it’s toll.

_TONY, WOMEN, and DEALERS are lit up as TONY gambles._

TONY: A heavy bet doth beg the dice to roll!  
Huzzah, the luck persisteth evermore.  
And with these lucky charms here by my side  
I may as well roll straight into sunrise.

_Enter RHODEY_.

RHODEY: Thou art a most unbelievable knave.

TONY: Alack! Who’s face is this which doth approach?  
Could it be my good friend, the Colonel Rhodes,  
Or Rhodey as I’ve come to call his name?  
Forsooth! It is! Although I now must say  
Thine visage leaveth something to desire  
Though whether ’tis thine grim expression thus  
Or rather ‘tis appearance singular  
That doth confound mine eyes, I am unsure.  
For now I simply say that I regret  
Whoever roped thou into this event.

RHODEY: The only one who ropeth was myself.

TONY: Well then, sorry say I, yet sorry not.

RHODEY: Assured I was that should I present thee  
With an award then honoured thou would be!

TONY: I say, honoured I am by they and thee!  
Moreso by thee, moreso when prize bestowed.

RHODEY: Thy bestowal thou hath missed, and thus must I  
Bestow thee thus. Thy trophy, Mister Stark.

TONY: Behold, a trophy! Quite painless I say.  
Suppose I sayeth sorry once again?

RHODEY: ’Tis fine.

TONY: A lovely prize, I’ve yet to own.  
It shall perch well beside the rest at home.  
But now, the dice! The dice call once again.  
A blow, perchance?

_A WOMAN blows on the dice. TONY turns to RHODEY._

TONY: And you, my lifelong friend?

RHODEY: I shant.

TONY: Come, honey-bear.

RHODEY: I say I shant!

_RHODEY knocks the dice away._

TONY: A roll! ’Tis rolled by Mr. Rhodes, ’tis his!

DEALER: Two craps and line away.

RHODEY: See? ’Tis my luck.

TONY: My luck hath seeneth worse, we shall be fine.

_Enter HAPPY and AGENTS._

TONY: I’ll take my exit here.

RHODEY: And I’ll take mine,  
But strive to not be late tomorrow morn.

TONY: Tomorrow morn, forsooth.

RHODEY: I do not jest!

_Exit RHODEY._

TONY: My lifelong friend, why, never hath he jest.  
He’s only business, war, and business more.  
O gentlemen, the time of life is short!  
To spend that shortness basely were too long,  
If life did ride upon a dial’s point,  
Still ending at the arrival of an hour.  
Hark! Here is Caesar, in thine palace own!  
And as this trophy was born in thine halls,  
It must be thine as well. So render I  
To Caesar what is his. Here here! Strike drum!

_Enter CHRISTINE EVERHART._

CHRISTINE: Sir Stark!

TONY: I shall not look as yet.

CHRISTINE: My name  
’Tis Christine Everhart, Vanity Fair.  
Might I asketh after you on this night?

TONY (aside, to Happy): Is beauty on my side, if I say aye?

HAPPY: Aye!

TONY (turning): Aye! Asketh.

CHRISTINE: Thou art sure?

TONY: I am, now ask.

CHRISTINE: What say thee to reports where thou art named  
“da Vinci of our time?”

TONY: Preposterous.  
For neither brush nor paints hath I once used.

CHRISTINE: What of the other moniker? The one  
Which hath named thee “Merchant of Death”

TONY: Not bad.  
I now remark beyond appearance cute  
Your cutting wit and queries striking true.  
You seek not to transcribe some sheepish wool  
But rather quite the moral interview,  
A virtue from either Berkeley or -

CHRISTINE: Brown.

TONY: Then Brown, remark, the world hath never matched  
The lofty perfect hopes of peace, and thus  
We must make do with what it giveth us.  
By troth, the day war is no longer waged  
And terror ceases hunting loyal men  
And threats beyond our borders and our seas  
And even those beyond our mortal ken  
Dissolve, as if destroyed with single snap,  
Then that shall be the very minute true  
At which all of my arms are melted down  
And forged into a bold new firmament  
Upon which hospitals for babes are built.

CHRISTINE: Remark a speech which thou doth speeketh well,  
As if rehearsed in mirrors every night.

TONY: Thy answer reflects truth.

CHRISTINE: Surely it does.

TONY: A private play I’ll stage, if you’ll allow.

CHRISTINE: A truthful answer is all I allow,  
A prize I feel that I have yet to win.

TONY: Then here’s a prize in answer serious -  
“Peace is possession of the greatest stick.”

CHRISTINE: A lovely line from one who peddles sticks.

TONY: My father fought the Nazi scourge, and worked  
On Projects both Manhattan and Rebirth.  
With such merit most men dubbed “hero” are,  
At least by thine Professors clad in Brown.

CHRISTINE: Such merit also could earn one the mark  
Of one who profits off of war and death.

TONY: Prithee, shall your report also describe  
The medical advances that save droves?  
Or those fed by advanced intelli-crops?  
Lives saved by military funding, pet.

CHRISTINE: Hast thou ever lost an e’en hour of sleep?

TONY: Wouldst thou prepare to lose your own with I?

CHRISTINE (aside): The potential for headlining report  
Still lie with he, if I do lie with he.  
His persona begets a larger head  
With which he surely needs to get ahead  
Perchance there is a chance that we shall sleep  
Within the walls of his illustr’ous keep.  
And in a way I still will get ahead  
Either of Starks lies, or lying in bed.

_Exuent. End Scene ii._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, any notes on grammar or formatting are much appreciated.


	4. Act 1, scene iii

_Enter CHRISTINE above, on the balcony. J.A.R.V.I.S. is present also._

J.A.R.V.I.S.: Good morrow, miss. I trust thou sleepest well?  
The weather here in Malibu is swell,  
With scattered clouds and surf conditions clear.  
And at ten fifty two high tide is here.

CHRISTINE: A voice! And light! Where am I? What occurred?  
A yes, the memory returneth yet.  
With Tony did I fly to his estate  
And still attempted I an interview.  
But rather than an answer, I received  
A evening of lust and jubilance.  
Now daylight seeps into this spacious room  
And I might catch a glimpse of where we perch.  
Say, perch is quite the word as I peer down  
And see the house is perched atop a cliff!  
Suppose then, there’s no need for metaphor  
To state that Tony Stark lives on the edge.  
O Tony! Where art thou, thou knave of hearts?  
Am I abandoned in your mansion bright?  
A console on the wall might hold the key.  
I’ll find an intercom and call for thee.

J.A.R.V.I.S.: Thou art not authorized to access me.

CHRISTINE: By Jove! ’Tis neither butler, nor e’en man?

_Enter PEPPER POTTS on the balcony._

PEPPER: ’Tis J.A.R.V.I.S. He is Just A System, though  
A Rather Very Intelligent one.  
He helps to run the house. And as for thou,  
Thine clothes are here and have been cleaned throughout  
And out the door a car will carry you  
Wherever you desire to go this morn.

CHRISTINE: Thou art the famous Pepper Potts.

PEPPER: I am.

CHRISTINE: Assisting Tony Stark for all these years,  
And yet you still are merely fetching clothes?

PEPPER: My tasks from Mister Stark are broad and just,  
Surpassing more than simple household chores.  
I conclude all and any thing he asks,  
Including, when required, removing trash.  
Will that be all, Miss Everhart?

CHRISTINE (coldly): It shall.

_Exuent severally. End scene iii._


	5. Act 1, scene iv

_Enter TONY. J.A.R.V.I.S. is present._

TONY: From hot rod to Hot Rod I quickly flit,  
Exchanging one hard body for one else.  
My years of scientific tinkering  
Have made me almost more at peace below  
The busy world above, with my machines  
And cars with which to dabble and repair.

J.A.R.V.I.S.: Sir, if thou seekest erring parts, it’s there.  
Compression in cylinder three is low.  
The problem shall be logged, so you may know.

_Enter PEPPER, aside._

PEPPER: I work to meet your ev’ry beck and call  
And not to mention, field all of your calls.  
The least I ask is that when I might call  
You answer.

TONY: Do not touch my music, pray.

PEPPER: Prithee I do not touch the music? Nay,  
I pray that you take flight across the world  
As was laid out by schedule and Rhodes.

TONY: How is dear Christy? Carla? Claire?

PEPPER: Christine.  
She exited the mansion gracefully.

TONY: Would that I could take my exit the same.  
Wherefore you hasten me out of thine hair?

PEPPER: Your comprehension comes almost as late  
As you are for your flight with Colonel Rhodes.

TONY: ’Tis funny how thou makest it sound as though  
The plane could fly without me being there  
When I am pilot, passenger, and crew,  
As I do own it in entirety.

PEPPER: Well, as thou still doth sit here in the lab  
Perchance I take advantage of thine sloth.

TONY: ’Tis not a well-bought plane if it doth fly  
Away from he who owned it from the start.

PEPPER: The bidding war in which you have engaged  
For Pollock’d art doth rise. An answer now:

Say: yay or nay?

TONY: Doth portrait represent  
The best aspect of when he painted spring?

PEPPER: The subject was not spring, but rather Spring  
Was where in Hampton East he painted thus.

TONY: What sayest thou?  


PEPPER: ’Tis fine, though overpriced.

TONY: Much like all things I own. Buy it posthaste!

Then store it. Care I not the funds I waste.

PEPPER: Next, then: the MIT commencement speech -

TONY: ’Tis months away, in June. Harangue me not.

PEPPER: I am the one harangued by them. ’Tis “yes”.

TONY: Nay, sweet Pepper, send not such force to me.  
When sought by negativity, deflect.  
Absorb their energy into thine own.

PEPPER: Regardless of the energy, I need  
Your signature. And thus, my job’s complete.

TONY: Wherefore do you chase me away from here?  
Dost thou have an agenda?

PEPPER: Yes, I do.

TONY: I loathe it.

PEPPER: Loathe not when my birthday comes.

TONY: Your birthday?

PEPPER: Aye.

TONY: Of course. Already, yet?

PEPPER: Aye, ’tis strange, ’tis the same day as last.

TONY: Perchance a purchase thou shall make, and give  
The credit to mine own on my behalf?

PEPPER: ’Tis done already sir.

TONY: And?

PEPPER: Very nice.  
Quite tasteful what you giveth, Mr. Stark.

TONY: Your welcome, Miss Potts. Now, I take my leave.

_Exuent PEPPER. Exit TONY. Enter RHODEY._

RHODEY: A knave unruly, yet predictable!  
How knew I he would be late once again?  
’Tis always pattern thus, and thus, and thus  
Until it’s hard to see what bindeth us.  
But even after all is said and done,  
I must admit that Tony is my friend.  
Our bond is forged beyond the stage and script  
And is inherent to itself, by troth.  
But still I stow respect for this ‘ere man  
Who’s lateness seems will blamed upon speed.  
I spy him now a-racing down the road  
With woeful Happy tailing close behind.

_Enter TONY and HAPPY in Hot Rods. They exit the vehicles._

TONY: Good show, my friend! A Happy pace you made!

HAPPY: ‘Twas not a happy pace at all! I had to take a shortcut just to keep with thee.

_Exuent Happy._

RHODEY: Three hours!

TONY: Beg pardon?

RHODEY: Three hours, maybe more  
Hath I waited upon the tarmac black  
For you, sirrah.

TONY: ’Twas mere vanity fair.  
But see? I cross your path and up the stairs  
I’ve entered aircraft first, the threshold crossed  
And now I’m first and thou art late, in fact.  
No time to waste! Set sail for the skies!

_TONY and RHODEY enter the plane._

TONY: Thou readeth thine book like a platypus  
With sour expression and duckbill’d misery.

RHODEY: ’Tis nothing.

TONY: Nay, I’ve soured your sweet crops.  
Do not be mad.

RHODEY: I say, I am not mad.  
But staunch indifference is where I sit.

TONY: Sorry I say, and I shall say again  
Until your frown doth turneth upside-down.

RHODEY: Thine lack of self-respect reflecteth on  
The respect that thou lack regarding I.

TONY: Thou hath my respect.

RHODEY: Nay, we both have none.  
I care for thee, and thou I shall protect,  
But mark that there are days when this friendship  
Is more akin to one of man and babe,  
With thee a babe and I a weary man.  
Who fetch thine bottles or change soiled cloth.

TONY (aside): The metaphor I shall both disregard  
And swiftly disremember too. Now then,  
Instead of trading friendly barbs between  
I’ll seek out liquid joy to ease the scene.  
By which I mean, help Rhodey to decide  
To see my faults and take them all in stride.  
It shall distract me from them all as well,  
Until I soon return to prologue’s Hell.

_Exuent. End Scene iv._


End file.
